Milestone #1: Worst mom EVER

Yesterday afternoon Elli decided to do a backwards flip head first off the end of the changing table/dresser. Like every mom says, "I only turned for a second" and off she went. I have never been so scared and shaken in my life. The image of her little body wedged between the dresser and the wall haunted me the rest of the evening and into the night. I experienced such a flood of emotion. Panic, fear (accompanied with a scream that scared the poor baby more than the fall did), dread, guilt, concern, all rushed over me like a tsunami. After running the length of the house 4 times frantically trying to find the phone I called my husband, then the doctor, then my mom. After all of the quick and tear filled conversations I sat on the bed with my now cooing (I'm not kidding) and perfectly fine baby and feeling like I had completely failed her. My sister called me a few minutes later wanting to know if I was ok. I broke down admitting I wasn't. She, of course, assured me this happens to everyone, it's practically a milestone. At the time that did not make me feel much better. Instead I continued to torture myself with every horrible alternative scenario that COULD have happened, but DIDN'T. This morning I woke up to a gurgling, smiling baby who felt like "chatting" more than eating. As her eyes looked at me with a twinkle of amusement, I knew she was ok. I thanked God for protecting her and realized that perhaps all of this was a milestone. Not only was this her first attempt at becoming an olympic gymnist, but this was my first time feeling like the WORST MOM EVER. I've been told every mom experiences it and I guess yesterday was my initiation into a club I never wanted to join.