An empty heart

I had to fill up our car at 6:50 in the morning today. I didn't want to, but I had to. You can't run a car on empty. I learned that the hard way about 19 years ago.

This past week I learned you can't run a heart on empty either. Good cannot come of a dry soul. I know because this week I sputtered and stalled hard and ugly.

I was weak, short tempered, and short sited. My vision of who I want to be dimmed. My kids suffered the consequences. It was a bad week.

Thankfully...I know where the fill station is. I know how to get there.

I had to fill my heart up at 6:50 this morning. I needed to. I had to. If I didn't things were going to get much worse than ugly.

I drove, I prayed, I cried, I begged and I soaked up every drop that I could get from the only one that can truly fill me. Jesus. I said His name, I asked for forgiveness, I asked for a new start and a filled heart.

Today I started on empty, but I don't (and can't) have to continue that way. Today last week is the past and this week is fresh and new with no mistakes in it.

Today I am re-filled with love, newly washed with mercy and keenly aware that I cannot allow myself to run on fumes any longer. There's too much at stake.

So, today I filled up at 6:50...and tomorrow I will do the same.

New...everything

It's December 31.  It's been exactly 9 months, 1 week and 2 days since I last posted here.  I could talk about why, but I'm not sure even I know.  Instead, in true New Year's Eve tradition let's reminisce about 2011 and hopefully catch you all up.

2011 can truly be described by the word NEW.  Here are some of the new things that have come our way...

In January we set out on a new adventure and left our church of 13 years to start a new one

In February we began the hopecity Church and began the new role of Senior pastor

In March we began new small groups and saw God do amazing new things

In April we received an ultimate surprise and found out we were having a new baby

In May we worked hard at building new community and began new friendships

In June we held our first hopecity baptisms and celebrated new life

In July we were doing something new on the 4th instead of selling fireworks (trust me this was exciting)

In August we wrapped up Brian's busy speaking schedule that included new places, even Wisconsin

In September we sold our old house and began to look for a new one

In October we moved into a new house in a new neighborhood

In November we had a new baby girl, Eva Genevieve

In December we began a new tradition and fed over 300 community people at hopecity's Christmas Eve-Eve service

Needless to say, it's been a busy, fast-flying, full of new things kind of year.  2011 has been like nothing we could have imagined.  God has been intensely good and we are overwhelmingly grateful.  I am more excited for 2012 than I have ever been for a new year.  

Happy New Year!

And the horse and the rider fell into the sea...

Yet another childhood song is running through my head, well just one line of a song, actually. "..And the horse and the rider fell into the sea.."  Over and over its spinning around in my brain.  I'm pretty sure it's because I've been working my way through the highlights of Exodus via YouVersion's First Steps reading plan.  Can you believe those Israelites?!

I've been taught, read through and done countless childhood crafts all centered around these Israelites that Christians have often counted as grumbly and ungrateful. We have also deemed them far too similar to ourselves.  The doubt, the fear, the deliberate disobedience...it all hits a little too close for comfort at times.

This time through Exodus, however, a few things have reached out and grabbed me with a whole new perspective.  In Exodus 6 God speaks through Moses telling the Israelites all of the wonderful things that are about to happen, freedom was on it's way! Verse 9, however, is one of the verses that got caught in my throat...

"Moses spoke thus to the people of Israel, but they did not listen to Moses, because of their broken spirit and harsh slavery."

The Israelites were operating out of total and complete brokenness.  This was not ordinary brokenness either, this was a totally shattered spirit that had been splintered by over 430 YEARS of harsh, cruel enslavement.  These people were so broken, they couldn't even celebrate a new voice declaring freedom. 

YET,  the horse and the rider fell into the sea. 

Just 8 chapters later the people doubted, they feared, they grumbled and complained.  Those Israelites even resisted their freedom from slavery!  In Exodus 14 there is all kinds of exciting, nail biting drama taking place.  The Israelites are finally fleeing by the hand of God and the Egyptians are pursuing with evil vengeance.  Fear is spilling out of the mouths of the Israelites the entire time.  Verses 11 and 12 are heartbreaking...

They said to Moses, "Is it because there are no graves in Egypt that you have taken us away to die in the wilderness? What have you done to us in bringing us out of Egypt? Is not this what we said to you in Egypt: 'Leave us alone that we may serve the Egyptians'? For it would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the wilderness."

They couldn't see it.  They couldn't see that FINALLY freedom was enveloping them.  They couldn't see any other lifestyle.  They had been born into slavery and they were stuck in a mind of misery.  They couldn't see the process the almighty God was taking them through. God was physically visible in the form of cloud and fire, but they couldn't get past what they had always known.

YET, the horse and the rider fell into the sea.

Exodus 14 ends with true gracious beauty.  God parts the Red Sea down the middle for an entire night so that the 600,000 Israelite men AND their families could pass through.  The Egyptians were hot on their trail the entire time.  Did you realize Pharaoh's crew were chasing them even in the midst of the sea?  YET, as soon as the last Israelite baby and Grandma had reached the opposite shore, WHOOSH!  The horse and the rider fell (or were completely swallowed up) into the sea.

The Israelites had doubted, complained and even wished to return to slavery out of fear.  YET, God had a better plan.  He knew what to do.  He knew how to handle the fear, the doubt and the utterly shattered souls of the Israelites.  He knew what was best for His people. 

He put into motion a legacy of grace.

He set His people on the path of freedom.

And the horse and the rider fell into the sea.

Friday Favorites...it's raining. again.

It's dark and gray and mid-March.  I can hear the Madness in the background as I peruse my long list of blogs.  I'd love to be writing this with more wit and spunk today, but it's just not in me.  It's a cuddle in a down comforter, drink a pot of coffee and watch your favorite movie kind of a day...but, alas, I have a two year old who has yet to discover the beauty in doing nothing.  So, it will probably be more of a keep the damage to a minimum, read the same books repeatedly, dress/undress baby dolls, build blanket "nents" and drink a pot of coffee kind of day.

I think I'm ok with that.

In the meantime, here are of few of my recent (and random) favorite things:

The Table Project : this is a fantastic social media tool my husband stumbled upon.  We just recently launched it at hopecity and it has proven to be a great way to help gel our brand new community.

This Message: Brian and I had the chance to visit one of our favorite local churches and hear a friend speak on Romans 6.  I love the beauty and simplicity of the gospel that shines through.  True hope.

I totally want to make this recipe for Elli (when I do, I'll let you know how it turns out).  She has a serious love for "doe-fish".  Serious love.  I don't buy them, however, because I don't want to encourage empty or processed foods.  This homemade version seems to have a little bit of redeeming value. 

Strong Love is by far the most played album in our house right now.  Elli and I LOVE it.  You can't really go wrong with a little Jon Thurlow in your life.

This DIY project.  I can't wait to move (ugh, will that EVER happen?!) and possibly experiment with this somewhere in our new house.

She's just...busy

(I apologize ahead of time for the terrible quality of these photos.  They were all taken from my phone.)

Elli has two sets of wonderful grandparents.  These spoil-her-rotten nanas and papas have all dubbed our sweet, funny daughter with the same label.  "Busy".  You and I both know this, at times, is a benign way of saying "your kid is out of control".  Overall, however, Ms. Elliana is "busy" in the purest sense of the word.  Let's face it, Girlfriend doesn't stop...ever. 

She has too many things to get into...

 

...literally.