I spoke with one of my best friends in the world and she warned me. She told me not to go here in order to avoid tears today. She knows the cracks and crevices of loss. She has had the same cracks in her own heart as I have. I couldn't stay away, however, and now I sit here with eyes overflowing. So much pain has flooded so many different hearts. The same kind of ache can be felt all across the world.
Today is National Miscarriage and Infant Loss day. Today I remember my sweet babies in heaven. If they were here they would be 8, 5 and nearly 2. I miss them. I wonder what they look like. Would they be funny like daddy or too serious like mommy? I wonder what their favorites things would be. I have never seen them, but I love them.
I am comforted by this fact. They are with Jesus. They get to see Him. I don't understand how it all works, but I like to imagine what it must be like for them to grow up in heaven, to crawl up in Jesus lap, to hear stories of battles and praise from David, to pray with my interceeding Great-Grandma. I like to picture them running up to my Bible devouring Grandpa last fall when he went to be with Jesus himself. They are loved. They are being taken care of by their Creator. That is the most lovely, peace-filled thought ever.
Now, as I type, I hear the voice of the baby God allowed to be here with me. "Ba ba ba, squeal, ma ma ma wa ya ba"...the most beautiful sound ever heard in this mama's ears. I am overwhelmed with gratitude.
Thank you God for all of my babies. Thank you for caring for each one in their own unique way. I remember those that are with You, today. I pray for all of the other mamas dealing with their own loss. Comfort them today, Lord. Thank you for healing our hearts and performing Your will in our lives. You are good.