What will the New Year bring?

Unlike my goal-oriented husband, I'm not one to normally set up specific resolutions or goals for the new year. I'm usually more the type who has an idea of what I want to change or see happen and then move (quite slowly I hate to admit) towards it. This year, however, is different. Everything is different, actually. Right now I feel like my life direction, friendships and pastoral perspectives are all being stretched and pulled in a way that's causing a mixture of uncertainty and anticipation. I desperately want this year to be a huge step into the purpose and position God has for me and my family. What this seems to require, however, is much bigger and scarier than I thought. First, I want God to truly be my obsession, my deepest desire. We sang a song this morning about giving our every heartbeat for the glory of God. I want to live and breath like that. The question then must be answered, am I truly willing to let go of self, of pre-concieved ideas, of plans, of my fears, my time? Am I willing to embrace new directions and new roles? Second, I want to be an godly influencer far beyond what I am now. This year that will begin with our soon to be born baby girl. Do I have the type of relationship with Jesus that I desire for her to model after? Will I be willing and able to push aside other's opinions and raise her in the way God wants us to? My dream is to love Jesus so much that He is real to her from the moment she's born, that the practice of prayer and worship and communing with the Holy Spirit is as practical and necessary as eating and sleeping. I also want to influence and pastor others with a new measure of wisdom and grace. I want to know when to speak and when to pray. I want to know in the depths of my heart God's way verses man's opinion. I want to be able to discern when to cover another and when to step back. My heart aches with sorrow for all of the mistakes I've made in this area. This year I MUST grow in this realm! For this to happen, some will probably think I'm being too "tolerant" and others will think I'm being too "involved". How far am I willing to dive into this? How much of my own "wisdom" am I willing to leave behind? Third, I want to have true friendship once again. I want to have a kindred spirit. My husband, without a doubt is my best friend and always will be, he is the greatest gift of grace God has ever given me. Like most girls, however, I desire a girl friend. I want a friend that I can be working side by side to build God's kingdom and having a blast while doing it. I want to celebrate life's joys with someone and cry with when disappointment comes. I want the privilidge to cheer someone else on in their endeavors. This past year has definitely been filled with many lonely and isolated moments and I do not want to continue in such a manner. I want to BE a friend as much as I WANT a friend. I haven't done a very good job at being a friend lately. I've allowed myself to accept isolation and even self-pity. The question is what do I do now? Do I repair old relationships or move forward toward others? What needs to change in me to be a good friend? So, with all of that, as the new year rings in, I'm going to write down some specific goals and resolutions. There's too much at stake for me to allow my life to ramble aimlessly into 2009. I desire to please God and to walk in such a way that brings glory to Him. The only way to do that is to make a change...or a lot of them. I know I won't find all the answers right away, but if I don't start looking I won't find them at all. Lord, help me! Lead me and guide my steps. Your word says you'll order our ways, please do so. Help me to yeild to you and to make changes accordingly. Give me the courage to follow the burning desires you've placed in my heart. I love you. Thank you for all you have given us this past year and all you're going to do this coming year. In Jesus Name, Amen.


John-Michael said...

I love you very much and am very thankful you are apart of our family.

Brian Becker said...

babe, your goals and thoughts are so much better than mine! Great thoughts and prayers. I love you!