Sunday Night Confessions

I'm tired.

I took a bless-ed (you have to say it like that) two hour Sunday afternoon nap.  It's been far too long since I've done that.

I'm still tired.

I want chocolate.  Specifically, this.  Nothing tops it.  Except maybe something from here.

I also want ice cream.  Crazy ice cream.

I'm in desperate need for the kind of novel that swallows you up and spits you out wanting more.  Vacation is in 5 days, people.  I'm getting a little panicky!  Help me!

My patience was pretty darn thin yesterday and today. (Note top of list)

Elli still declared me her "greatest bestest mom" after being tucked in for the 53rd time.

Kids give far more grace than we deserve.

I could learn a lot from my cute and short housemates.

I have about 1287 things to do before Friday.

Since returning from out of town my house smells weird and I cannot figure out why.  (Grossed out? Me too.  Add it to the list.)

I bought a gorgeous old mirror for $10 from a neighbor.  It weighs 42 tons.  I guess that's a good thing?  I'll show it to you soon.

I have eaten more bread today than I have in the last two months-combined.

Last night I painted my nails "midnight magic" in the middle of summer.  In bed.  I felt like living on the edge.  Wild-I know.

I think I'm really funny.  If only everyone else would realize how funny I actually am.

I want to think of more things to  confess, but I just lost focus.

If you don't hear from me much this week it's because I'm scrambling like a headless chicken to prep for vacation.  Then again, you may hear from me a lot as a procrastinate down to the wire!

Until next time!

Smoothie Master

I am the master smoothie maker.  Well, in my 4 year old's eyes I am.  Daddy's smoothies aren't quite the same (or so I have heard) so smoothie creation has been delegated to me.

While we are far from perfect on the whole and healthy food front, I do work really hard on keeping us free from all the icky chemicals, hormones, sugars and who-knows-what that is in the current U.S. food supply.  This means our smoothies are choc full of greens, fruit, healthy fat and zero sugar or dairy (I'll write about being dairy free some other time).

Our basic smoothie formula is probably pretty similar to a lot of yours, but my bedheaded assistant thought it would be fun to share ours with the world wide web.  Here's a typical Becker smoothie:

Full fat coconut milk (a third to a half of a can)

Lots and lots of fresh organic spinach (its worth the few extra cents to get organic greens since they are on the dirty dozen list). We use anywhere from 3 to 6 cups depending on how much we want to drink.  Spinach is what we use for volume rather than fruit.

Something frozen (in our house that's usually the fruit).  Right now we buy a tropical fruit blend from Costco that is already chopped and frozen.  I don't buy organic because most of the fruits in it were thick skinned (meaning less grody stuff gets to the fruit).  We also often have a bag of broken up frozen bananas in the freezer.  I pick these up from the damaged section at the grocery store for super cheap. We usually use 1-2 cups of fruit.  I try to keep it reigned in so we're not starting out with a ton of sweetness in the morning.

I then finish it off with a quarter or half of avocado, a half cup or so of water and once and a while a splash of vanilla.

Then it's time to blend! This is the Elli's favorite part because she's all about controlling the buttons.  

Once you start blending you'll know whether or not you'll need to add something.

If it's pulling away toward the sides, it's too thick and you'll need to add water.

If it's too runny add more spinach or frozen fruit or a fresh banana.  If its too small add more spinach.

The next step is to have your fuzzy-haired-sleepy-eyed officials do a taste check.  They'll let you know if its hitting the mark. 

 Today our smoothie lacked some flavor and sweetness so we added a banana and viola perfection!  Other days we might add a spoonful of almond butter or fresh berries.

This particular combo isn't the prettiest color, but it is definitely yummy!  This batch makes about 4 and 1/2 decent sized servings.  Plate it with a few boiled eggs and breakfast is done!

We are we.

Undone.  That's how I feel today.  I simply woke up undone.  Tears are falling freely and frequently, uninvited.  

I should have known.  When you ask for something like this, He always answers with a yes. Hearts are meant to be pliable, flexible under the weight of what life offers.  They are not meant to be numb, hard or dull.  So I asked, with trembling, I asked.

I know what it's like to be broken.  With the whisper of a memory I can feel the shattered earth under my feet.  I remember what is was like to have questions as your constant companions. I didn't know it then, but true beauty thrived in that life of hurt.

Things turned around, miracles happening daily as my heart healed.  Somehow, along the way, lack of desperation led to lack of connection.  Then I find myself wanting what I had, but dreading the possibility to having to endure the depths of difficulty.

Can I be close, be aware of God's richness without the pain?  Do I have to be stripped down in order to feel again?  For so long couldn't bring myself to find out.  

Then, I simply couldn't bear the absence.  Sure, we had talked and had moments, but nothing like when He and I were the only ones carrying the secrets of my ruined heart.    So I asked; A heart that senses Emmanuel, responds in humility, and endures whatever it requires to be just Him and I again.  I asked for a heart that would once again hear His secrets and would reveal my own in return.

It hasn't happened right away.  I've been living bated breath, waiting for a shoe to drop, fearing rather than expecting.  Now I feel broken, hungry and ready and I realize THIS is our language.  

Desperation and uncertainty have been given such an ugly color of disdain.  What if they were meant to be beautiful,  rich with the patina of life fought for and life found?  What if my awareness of my own fear and lack of understanding is all He needs to meet me?

Today I  am undone.  The truth slowly seeping through song, word and babies with blue eyes.  He is here.  I am here.  We are we. Life should be no other way.