Spicy isn't so bad

I recently read this post. Well, skimmed it. In the bathroom.  While avoiding laundry, a cluttered basement and dirty floors.  (Just wanting to keep things real around here.)

In three days my baby girl #1 starts preschool.  Until a few days ago I was totally freaking out. Things were escalating as follows:  Am I less of a mom because I'm not homeschooling her?  Have I given her enough tools to handle the nitty gritty of a 4 year old social life? Does she know how to "just say no"?!  Oh Lord, please don't let her be the mean kid!  As you can see I was in a full blown spin out.

Man, this mom gig is hard.  I spent so much time wanting and waiting for it, I don't think I gave time to truly thinking about all motherhood entailed. I knew it would be hard, but I don't think I anticipated the constant mental ticker tape running around in my brain.  It's this strange combination of keeping track of basic survival, emotional well being, and spiritual leading while wondering if you're doing it all wrong.

On top of this there is this new(ish) level of expectation of perfect consistency and patience flying around that honestly pushes me over the edge.  I blame Pinterest, Facebook, Mommy Blogs and  Mrs. Duggar.  I mean, 19 kids and she's still all smiles and quiet voices?! C'mon!  It's just frustrating.  

Then I read this.  The wind of fresh perspective blew over me and a breathed it in as if I had been suffocating.  We are just a spicy family.  There's no way around it.  

My big girl has an opinion (or a 1023 of them) about everything and my baby girl's personality holds consistent with the statement "all or nothing" .  There is no way a can shove either of them into a "sit still and crochet" category.  Believe me, I've tried.  Somehow, I thought this meant I wasn't doing something right.  I thought perhaps I wasn't patient enough (well, is anyone, really?) or consistent enough or soft enough, basically,  just not enough.

Where did this come from? When did it start?  When did I start thinking we weren't "right"?  I grew up in a so called spicy family and loved it.   The result was three sisters, three strong personalities, three woman that fiercely love God and their families.  When did that become not enough?

It's time to walk back under the umbrella of grace.  It's time to remind myself that God is the one forming my motherhood and He knows what He's doing.  It's time to look those other preschool moms in the eye and not compare my ability to brush hair-in-motion against theirs.  I was made to raise my kids.  I was chosen for them and they for me.    

Together we knock off each other's rough edges and fill each other with big, bold, shmooshy love.  We forgive constantly, we talk truth and we grow exponentially.  I think we're doing OK.  

Thanks, Jen Hatmaker.  Thanks for reminding me that spice isn't so bad.  In fact, it's pretty great.  After all, how boring would life be if not a little spicy?

To Her

It's been years since are friendship began to crumble to its demise.  I'm not sure when the chipping away first began.  I'm not sure who first decided walking away was easier then hanging on.  It doesn't matter.  We are here now; a few city miles and a million silences apart.

It's been years, yet I still think about you almost daily.  Sometimes it's a wafting thought that comes and goes.  Other times its a nagging, stabbing pain that I can't believe is still there.  You were such a big part of my life.  Now you're not.  Do you think this way? At all?

I see your precious babies.  Once we marveled over them together all fresh and new.  Now I see them tall and beautiful and they have no idea that we spent hours and hours together, keeping them up late and crazy. It felt like family, joined by friendship and faith.

I know your life has taken all kinds of twists and turns that we never talked about and I never saw coming. I know I failed you.  I know I stopped seeing.   I know where I left behind compassion and picked up judgement.  I know where I started staring inward instead of outward.  Few things grieve me more.  

If you were on the other end of the couch right now with a mug of coffee and creamer I would tell you I'm sorry.  My perspectives have changed so much.  My life has changed so much.  How I love has changed so much.

Today I read this blog post and all I could do was cry.  Tears flowed because with all my heart I thought you were this person. My person.  My forever friend.  

Perhaps it wasn't the same for you.  I may wonder that the most.  How else could this have happened?  Did you think we were too different?  My world too small and restrictive?  Did I just not hear you or see you fully? Did you think there would be no room in my heart for the truth? 

Regardless of your answers, on this end of things you were the best kind of friend.  Crazy and cracked in places, but full of something contagious and brave. I miss what you carried with you.   Its strange how I still feel like you are supposed to be the one around.  I don't know when that will leave.  Maybe never.  

You have walked through so much over the past few years.  New voices at your side.  New faces in your home. New milestones. A new life.  Often I wonder what it's like, what you are like.  It's strange not knowing.

There are days I have the audacity to hope that somehow, someday we could repair the chasm created by life moving on.  There are other days I tell myself to move on and just let you be a sweet decade of memories.  

I don't know if you'll ever read this.  If you do, you may find flaws or reasons for further distance.  My hope is that you will read it and only find love and gratitude.

I want your life to always be full of goodness, hope, joy and love.  I want you to know rest and peace.  You need to know you are missed and loved.

Although I never thought I'd see you go, I'm  thankful to have lived life with you for over 10 years.  You walked with me through the most painful decade of my life. Together we shared laughter, hope, pain, empathy and faith.  No one else could have spoken bravery into my scared heart the way you did.  All I can inadequately say is thank you. 

With so much love, thank you.

Sunday Night Confessions

I'm tired.

I took a bless-ed (you have to say it like that) two hour Sunday afternoon nap.  It's been far too long since I've done that.

I'm still tired.

I want chocolate.  Specifically, this.  Nothing tops it.  Except maybe something from here.

I also want ice cream.  Crazy ice cream.

I'm in desperate need for the kind of novel that swallows you up and spits you out wanting more.  Vacation is in 5 days, people.  I'm getting a little panicky!  Help me!

My patience was pretty darn thin yesterday and today. (Note top of list)

Elli still declared me her "greatest bestest mom" after being tucked in for the 53rd time.

Kids give far more grace than we deserve.

I could learn a lot from my cute and short housemates.

I have about 1287 things to do before Friday.

Since returning from out of town my house smells weird and I cannot figure out why.  (Grossed out? Me too.  Add it to the list.)

I bought a gorgeous old mirror for $10 from a neighbor.  It weighs 42 tons.  I guess that's a good thing?  I'll show it to you soon.

I have eaten more bread today than I have in the last two months-combined.

Last night I painted my nails "midnight magic" in the middle of summer.  In bed.  I felt like living on the edge.  Wild-I know.

I think I'm really funny.  If only everyone else would realize how funny I actually am.

I want to think of more things to  confess, but I just lost focus.

If you don't hear from me much this week it's because I'm scrambling like a headless chicken to prep for vacation.  Then again, you may hear from me a lot as a procrastinate down to the wire!

Until next time!

Smoothie Master

I am the master smoothie maker.  Well, in my 4 year old's eyes I am.  Daddy's smoothies aren't quite the same (or so I have heard) so smoothie creation has been delegated to me.

While we are far from perfect on the whole and healthy food front, I do work really hard on keeping us free from all the icky chemicals, hormones, sugars and who-knows-what that is in the current U.S. food supply.  This means our smoothies are choc full of greens, fruit, healthy fat and zero sugar or dairy (I'll write about being dairy free some other time).

Our basic smoothie formula is probably pretty similar to a lot of yours, but my bedheaded assistant thought it would be fun to share ours with the world wide web.  Here's a typical Becker smoothie:

Full fat coconut milk (a third to a half of a can)

Lots and lots of fresh organic spinach (its worth the few extra cents to get organic greens since they are on the dirty dozen list). We use anywhere from 3 to 6 cups depending on how much we want to drink.  Spinach is what we use for volume rather than fruit.

Something frozen (in our house that's usually the fruit).  Right now we buy a tropical fruit blend from Costco that is already chopped and frozen.  I don't buy organic because most of the fruits in it were thick skinned (meaning less grody stuff gets to the fruit).  We also often have a bag of broken up frozen bananas in the freezer.  I pick these up from the damaged section at the grocery store for super cheap. We usually use 1-2 cups of fruit.  I try to keep it reigned in so we're not starting out with a ton of sweetness in the morning.

I then finish it off with a quarter or half of avocado, a half cup or so of water and once and a while a splash of vanilla.

Then it's time to blend! This is the Elli's favorite part because she's all about controlling the buttons.  

Once you start blending you'll know whether or not you'll need to add something.

If it's pulling away toward the sides, it's too thick and you'll need to add water.

If it's too runny add more spinach or frozen fruit or a fresh banana.  If its too small add more spinach.

The next step is to have your fuzzy-haired-sleepy-eyed officials do a taste check.  They'll let you know if its hitting the mark. 

 Today our smoothie lacked some flavor and sweetness so we added a banana and viola perfection!  Other days we might add a spoonful of almond butter or fresh berries.

This particular combo isn't the prettiest color, but it is definitely yummy!  This batch makes about 4 and 1/2 decent sized servings.  Plate it with a few boiled eggs and breakfast is done!

We are we.

Undone.  That's how I feel today.  I simply woke up undone.  Tears are falling freely and frequently, uninvited.  

I should have known.  When you ask for something like this, He always answers with a yes. Hearts are meant to be pliable, flexible under the weight of what life offers.  They are not meant to be numb, hard or dull.  So I asked, with trembling, I asked.

I know what it's like to be broken.  With the whisper of a memory I can feel the shattered earth under my feet.  I remember what is was like to have questions as your constant companions. I didn't know it then, but true beauty thrived in that life of hurt.

Things turned around, miracles happening daily as my heart healed.  Somehow, along the way, lack of desperation led to lack of connection.  Then I find myself wanting what I had, but dreading the possibility to having to endure the depths of difficulty.

Can I be close, be aware of God's richness without the pain?  Do I have to be stripped down in order to feel again?  For so long couldn't bring myself to find out.  

Then, I simply couldn't bear the absence.  Sure, we had talked and had moments, but nothing like when He and I were the only ones carrying the secrets of my ruined heart.    So I asked; A heart that senses Emmanuel, responds in humility, and endures whatever it requires to be just Him and I again.  I asked for a heart that would once again hear His secrets and would reveal my own in return.

It hasn't happened right away.  I've been living bated breath, waiting for a shoe to drop, fearing rather than expecting.  Now I feel broken, hungry and ready and I realize THIS is our language.  

Desperation and uncertainty have been given such an ugly color of disdain.  What if they were meant to be beautiful,  rich with the patina of life fought for and life found?  What if my awareness of my own fear and lack of understanding is all He needs to meet me?

Today I  am undone.  The truth slowly seeping through song, word and babies with blue eyes.  He is here.  I am here.  We are we. Life should be no other way.

Simple Summer Day

Today was one of those days filled with sweet simplicity that only summer can bring. Despite the calendar,  summer weather usually doesn't start in the PNW until after the 4th of July.  Today, however,  was hot and clear.  It was exactly what we needed after a week of rain and the big P.

Yep.  Brian was diagnosed with Pneumonia last Saturday.  Brian living like an invalid for nearly a solid week was just plain weird.  My man is normally so active he has a hard time turning his brain off.  This week, instead,  was filled with a lot of mama/daughters mall days and movie nights so that daddy could rest in peace.  Thankfully he has been recovering quite quickly and has been up and around quite a bit the last two days.  Just in time for me to keep a few grams of sanity in tact.  Whew!

The sun came early today and we were ready.  Sunblock sprayed (and inhaled...anyone else worried about what's in that stuff, but too lazy to apply the "natural" sunblock that makes your kid look like a slippery albino monkey?  yeah, me neither...), shorts donned, salt waters buckled and out the door we went.   The girls to the back to play with their two cousins and I to the front to battle the weeds.

I don't know what has happened to me, but I am suddenly driven to do things like weed and trim and other yardy (yes, that's a technical term) stuff.  (Does that mean I'm getting old?  What's next?  A floppy hat and pink floral gardening clogs?  save me...)  Naturally I don't always answer this new found feeling, but today I did.  Maybe it was the weather.  Maybe it was the fact that one more minute inside our house could cause my brain to explode.  It doesn't matter.  I was outside and weeding and liking it. Stranger things have happened. Right?

Then one by one the kidlets drifted from the back to the front and they all ended up helping me.  It was like some sort of magical spell fell upon them.  My niece, Maudi, picked weeds and chatted about her ill-fated botany assignment (a cabbage gone awry) while even Eva (19 months) was picking up the yard debris and getting into the bucket 2 out of 5 times.  The whole front yard was weeded, trimmed and deadheaded before lunch and not a single complaint was spoken.

We all tumbled back into the back yard sticky and hot and proud of ourselves.  I made lunch and the kids decided to dig a hole that looked like they were trying to get to China.  Then.  It happened.  Daddy once again returned to full fledged hero status in one fell purple plastic swoop.

We were about to hook up last summer's sprinkler ball when he showed up with a purple plastic pool equipped with its VERY. OWN. SLIDE.  Elli couldn't stop squealing for nearly an hour as Brian set it up.  The rest of the day was peppered with "I can't believe my dreams came true."  If only we all could be so thrilled with $34.99 worth of purple plastic.

The rest of the day was spent breaking in both the new pool and the new swimsuits with a small trip to Target and some BBQ squeezed in.  It couldn't have been more normal nor more lovely.  I'm going to bed a very happy and blessed girl.

Sweet dreams, Poland.

Six months Ago

It's 9:57 and I've decided now is the time.  If I don't let the words fall as they may, I fear impending doom will come upon the next person that asks me for something.

Last December (or perhaps January, who cares) I did what I and millions of other humans often do that time of year.  I thought about what I wanted next, what I wanted to be different, where I wanted to be before the calendar year changed yet again.  This time, however, it was a little different.  I actually wrote something down.  It was sometime between the annual Christmas food coma and PSY and MC Hammer's duo on the New Year's stage.

My goals were kept simple this time.  I intentionally avoided anything that looked like a check list.  I just wanted more, to be more.  I mostly wanted to be more, well, me.  Perhaps I'll share what my simple page says another time, but for now it doesn't matter.  What does matter was that in two of the three areas that I wanted to focus on, blogging was a part of getting to where I want to be.

So, six months later, here I am. 

I feel like I'm floating through fog.  I desperately need an outlet.  I need to be creative.  I need to be funny.  I need to be able to cry.  I need to think and process and stretch.  I need to find this part of me again.   It will probably be random.  It will probably be sporadic.  I'm learning not to care.

Let's see what happens...

An empty heart

I had to fill up our car at 6:50 in the morning today. I didn't want to, but I had to. You can't run a car on empty. I learned that the hard way about 19 years ago.

This past week I learned you can't run a heart on empty either. Good cannot come of a dry soul. I know because this week I sputtered and stalled hard and ugly.

I was weak, short tempered, and short sited. My vision of who I want to be dimmed. My kids suffered the consequences. It was a bad week.

Thankfully...I know where the fill station is. I know how to get there.

I had to fill my heart up at 6:50 this morning. I needed to. I had to. If I didn't things were going to get much worse than ugly.

I drove, I prayed, I cried, I begged and I soaked up every drop that I could get from the only one that can truly fill me. Jesus. I said His name, I asked for forgiveness, I asked for a new start and a filled heart.

Today I started on empty, but I don't (and can't) have to continue that way. Today last week is the past and this week is fresh and new with no mistakes in it.

Today I am re-filled with love, newly washed with mercy and keenly aware that I cannot allow myself to run on fumes any longer. There's too much at stake.

So, today I filled up at 6:50...and tomorrow I will do the same.

New...everything

It's December 31.  It's been exactly 9 months, 1 week and 2 days since I last posted here.  I could talk about why, but I'm not sure even I know.  Instead, in true New Year's Eve tradition let's reminisce about 2011 and hopefully catch you all up.

2011 can truly be described by the word NEW.  Here are some of the new things that have come our way...

In January we set out on a new adventure and left our church of 13 years to start a new one

In February we began the hopecity Church and began the new role of Senior pastor

In March we began new small groups and saw God do amazing new things

In April we received an ultimate surprise and found out we were having a new baby

In May we worked hard at building new community and began new friendships

In June we held our first hopecity baptisms and celebrated new life

In July we were doing something new on the 4th instead of selling fireworks (trust me this was exciting)

In August we wrapped up Brian's busy speaking schedule that included new places, even Wisconsin

In September we sold our old house and began to look for a new one

In October we moved into a new house in a new neighborhood

In November we had a new baby girl, Eva Genevieve

In December we began a new tradition and fed over 300 community people at hopecity's Christmas Eve-Eve service

Needless to say, it's been a busy, fast-flying, full of new things kind of year.  2011 has been like nothing we could have imagined.  God has been intensely good and we are overwhelmingly grateful.  I am more excited for 2012 than I have ever been for a new year.  

Happy New Year!

And the horse and the rider fell into the sea...

Yet another childhood song is running through my head, well just one line of a song, actually. "..And the horse and the rider fell into the sea.."  Over and over its spinning around in my brain.  I'm pretty sure it's because I've been working my way through the highlights of Exodus via YouVersion's First Steps reading plan.  Can you believe those Israelites?!

I've been taught, read through and done countless childhood crafts all centered around these Israelites that Christians have often counted as grumbly and ungrateful. We have also deemed them far too similar to ourselves.  The doubt, the fear, the deliberate disobedience...it all hits a little too close for comfort at times.

This time through Exodus, however, a few things have reached out and grabbed me with a whole new perspective.  In Exodus 6 God speaks through Moses telling the Israelites all of the wonderful things that are about to happen, freedom was on it's way! Verse 9, however, is one of the verses that got caught in my throat...

"Moses spoke thus to the people of Israel, but they did not listen to Moses, because of their broken spirit and harsh slavery."

The Israelites were operating out of total and complete brokenness.  This was not ordinary brokenness either, this was a totally shattered spirit that had been splintered by over 430 YEARS of harsh, cruel enslavement.  These people were so broken, they couldn't even celebrate a new voice declaring freedom. 

YET,  the horse and the rider fell into the sea. 

Just 8 chapters later the people doubted, they feared, they grumbled and complained.  Those Israelites even resisted their freedom from slavery!  In Exodus 14 there is all kinds of exciting, nail biting drama taking place.  The Israelites are finally fleeing by the hand of God and the Egyptians are pursuing with evil vengeance.  Fear is spilling out of the mouths of the Israelites the entire time.  Verses 11 and 12 are heartbreaking...

They said to Moses, "Is it because there are no graves in Egypt that you have taken us away to die in the wilderness? What have you done to us in bringing us out of Egypt? Is not this what we said to you in Egypt: 'Leave us alone that we may serve the Egyptians'? For it would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the wilderness."

They couldn't see it.  They couldn't see that FINALLY freedom was enveloping them.  They couldn't see any other lifestyle.  They had been born into slavery and they were stuck in a mind of misery.  They couldn't see the process the almighty God was taking them through. God was physically visible in the form of cloud and fire, but they couldn't get past what they had always known.

YET, the horse and the rider fell into the sea.

Exodus 14 ends with true gracious beauty.  God parts the Red Sea down the middle for an entire night so that the 600,000 Israelite men AND their families could pass through.  The Egyptians were hot on their trail the entire time.  Did you realize Pharaoh's crew were chasing them even in the midst of the sea?  YET, as soon as the last Israelite baby and Grandma had reached the opposite shore, WHOOSH!  The horse and the rider fell (or were completely swallowed up) into the sea.

The Israelites had doubted, complained and even wished to return to slavery out of fear.  YET, God had a better plan.  He knew what to do.  He knew how to handle the fear, the doubt and the utterly shattered souls of the Israelites.  He knew what was best for His people. 

He put into motion a legacy of grace.

He set His people on the path of freedom.

And the horse and the rider fell into the sea.

Friday Favorites...it's raining. again.

It's dark and gray and mid-March.  I can hear the Madness in the background as I peruse my long list of blogs.  I'd love to be writing this with more wit and spunk today, but it's just not in me.  It's a cuddle in a down comforter, drink a pot of coffee and watch your favorite movie kind of a day...but, alas, I have a two year old who has yet to discover the beauty in doing nothing.  So, it will probably be more of a keep the damage to a minimum, read the same books repeatedly, dress/undress baby dolls, build blanket "nents" and drink a pot of coffee kind of day.

I think I'm ok with that.

In the meantime, here are of few of my recent (and random) favorite things:

The Table Project : this is a fantastic social media tool my husband stumbled upon.  We just recently launched it at hopecity and it has proven to be a great way to help gel our brand new community.

This Message: Brian and I had the chance to visit one of our favorite local churches and hear a friend speak on Romans 6.  I love the beauty and simplicity of the gospel that shines through.  True hope.

I totally want to make this recipe for Elli (when I do, I'll let you know how it turns out).  She has a serious love for "doe-fish".  Serious love.  I don't buy them, however, because I don't want to encourage empty or processed foods.  This homemade version seems to have a little bit of redeeming value. 

Strong Love is by far the most played album in our house right now.  Elli and I LOVE it.  You can't really go wrong with a little Jon Thurlow in your life.

This DIY project.  I can't wait to move (ugh, will that EVER happen?!) and possibly experiment with this somewhere in our new house.

She's just...busy

(I apologize ahead of time for the terrible quality of these photos.  They were all taken from my phone.)

Elli has two sets of wonderful grandparents.  These spoil-her-rotten nanas and papas have all dubbed our sweet, funny daughter with the same label.  "Busy".  You and I both know this, at times, is a benign way of saying "your kid is out of control".  Overall, however, Ms. Elliana is "busy" in the purest sense of the word.  Let's face it, Girlfriend doesn't stop...ever. 

She has too many things to get into...

 

...literally.

He climbed up in a sycamore tree...

Zacchaeus was a wee little man...or so the Sunday school song goes.  I love this man's story.  Zacchaeus was small in stature, but he was one determined short guy.  He was a wealthy big kahuna of the local IRS.  My guess is climbing the ladder of a corrupt institution doesn't happen by chance.  Nor did Jesus' interaction with Zacchaeus.

Zacchaeus had heard about Jesus.  He had probably heard from his peers.  Jesus had a habit of hanging out with sinner types.  All of this made this wealthy leader wonder who this unpretentious teacher was, but there was a little problem.  (pun intended)  When Jesus was making His way down Zacchaeus' street, Zacchaeus couldn't see through the crowd, his view being choked by the shoulders of others.  This is where Zacchaeus problem solving skills make him famous throughout time.

Zacchaeus didn't let his stature nor his circumstance hinder him from seeing who Jesus was.  He didn't skulk around blaming the hand life dealt him for his missed his chance.  He made his chance to see Jesus happen.  He ran. 
He climbed.
He did whatever it took to see who this Jesus was. 

His reward?  Jesus sought Zacchaeus out and invited Himself over for dinner.  Jesus gave Zacchaeus more than what he was looking for, not only a chance to see Him, but to know Him.

May we all set aside our position...(what we do)
Our small stature...(who we are)
And our circumstance...(our view of everyday life) 
May we all run. 
May we all climb. 
May we all do whatever it takes to see who this Jesus is.

Oh, and don't forget...Jesus likes to invite Himself over.
He has a habit of hanging out with sinner types.

Papier Mache?

I've become obsessed.  I'm on the hunt.  I want  this.  I know what you're thinking.  Wha...?

Don't worry about it.

I happen to like it. 

Courtesy of Country Living

A lot.

But.

It's really, REALLY expensive.

Do you think it's possible to replicate?

I'm having visions of a pale blue one for Elli's room...with a removable top for extra storage.

Wouldn't it look great with her bedding?

I'm dreaming of it in two graduating heights in white or apple green next to a certain Mr. Cool.

What do you think? 

...about the possible DIY part...not about the "She's lost it.  'The Couch' has caused her to lose her mind" part.

Buyer's Remorse

It's been FOUR long months of living with naked walls, blank surfaces and a big empty front room since the great real estate tragedy of 2010.  We are so over it...well, at least we're telling ourselves we are. 

What we really are over is the ridiculously hollow feeling of living in a blank, packed up house.  I. HATE. IT.  I don't enjoy coming home to a rug.  Yep, a rug.  That's what you see when you walk into our house.  A sad, lonely, 9x12 striped rug that I don't even like anymore. 

This weekend we finally decided enough was enough.  Even though house showings only seem to serve the purpose of reminding us to pick up after ourselves, the house is going to sell eventually (...right?!  right?!!) and we will need a new furniture for our next home.  So, we bit the bullet and went couch hunting...with our two year old.  Good times.

The "big hunt" consisted of only going to two stores.  At the first store we found a decent sofa for a great price, but I couldn't just settle without looking elsewhere...that would just be weird. At the second store I fell in love with this big billowy soft nest of a sofa that reminded me of those light and comfy rooms in Cottage Living (man I miss that magazine!).  It was simply lovely...and white.  Yup.  We had a great moment, Billows and I...until we were forced to flee the scene due to a certain toddler's ability to smear snot across a few cushions.  That kind of ruined things for me.

Doesn't he just make you wanna snuggle?

We continued to look around and suddenly landed on the absolute opposite of good Ole Billows.  The next thing I know we had purchased a couch! A tight, tufted, super cool, clean lined, mid-century-esque couch is now on order in my name.  I'm not sure how to explain my thinking process at the time, but I'd like to blame it on an out of body experience or something. 

Couch Super Cool is actually going to be a grey-taupe inappropriately named Mocha

As soon as we left the store I began to panic inwardly.  I knew immediately we had made a mistake, yet I didn't turn around.  I went home and looked up every couch imaginable and still couldn't figure out why I had been so friendly with Couch Super Cool in the store and so enemies with him out of the store.  Don't get me wrong, he's very pretty...and cool.  My style, however, not so, um, cool.  I like old, lived in, found things with a story mixed with new comfy things that you can imagine drinking coffee, barefoot, with your bff on. 

YET, Couch Super Cool seems to have magical powers.  I went back to the store the very next day (again with a 2 year old, good times.) intent on begging for a full return of my money.  Before I did, however, I decided to see what was cause me to make such an impulsive decision.  I walked up to Mr. Cool and lo and behold he sucked me right back in.  Like a bad boyfriend, I couldn't shake him.  Maybe it's his fancy tufts.

So...in 6 weeks Super Cool will be coming to the Beckers.  He may stay or just be an expensive guest.  Either way, no more empty room for us!

Friday Favorites...Church Planter Edition

I said I was going to get back into blogging and I meant it, dang it!  So here goes... (warning:  this may be a very very boring post for most of you...I'm just pretending I have blog friends that actually care about this stuff)

During my blogging hiatus, we were crazy busy doing all sorts of things that don't typically pop to the top of your mental list when you decide to church plant.  For example, finding a great vendor for printing offering envelopes or a customized rubber stamp are tasks that don't exactly jump out at you when you think "Let's go save the world!!!".  Nonetheless, these tasks inevitably climb their way up check lists and we eventually found ourselves scrambling for resources.  In the midst of our chaos we found a few things worth mentioning as favorites...

Michael Lukasweski's  Here to lead is loaded with all kinds of great stuff.  Since I oversee followup and guest impressions (sound fancier than it really is), I really appreciated this post...oh and this one too.  Oh, and his nuts and bolts follow up packet is TOTALLY worth getting.

The super packaging mentioned on Here to Lead inspired us to check out other interesting options for our guest packs.  We eventually landed on these...

We ordered both the boxes and the custom labels from uline, which proved to be a great company to work with.  We also created mini versions for our kids department filled with all sorts of goodies from here.

For nearly all of our print materials (invite cards, door hangers, fundraising packets, mailers, etc) we used gotprint.com.  Their prices are hard to beat and they were fairly easy to work with.

Last, but definitely not least, we used group imaging for all of our beautiful signage.  I really like the fact that all of the signs have their own easy stands and carrying cases, an important detail when your church is mobile!  They also work with a lot of churches and have a great work sheet to help you decide what you really need.

Welp, I think that's it.  Happy weekend!

(greatest team EVER)

Welp, I'm back!

It's been a long long long time since I've blogged.  I've thought about it.  Attempted it even.  BUT I didn't.  Too much was swirling around in my head and my calendar looked like an NBA playbook, not pretty. 

So much has changed since October!  We didn't move.  Our house had to go back on the market and since normal people don't try to move during the holidays...welp, here we are!  I'm getting pretty sick of having a half empty, nearly always "show ready" home.  Everything, however, always works out for the best. 

In the fall, my husband and I felt a need to push things forward for our church plant.  We were originally planning on launching in April.  It was quickly made obvious that our careful calculations and plans were not quite in line with God's plans.  In order to keep momentum and use the team God blessed us with wisely, we decided to launch on February 13.  Since we still had our house and it's lovely double living areas, we were able to host all kinds of meetings, worship practices and events without paying for a rented space.  Like I said, everything works out for the best. :)

Push ahead a few frantic months and we now have 3 open houses (team recruiting), 2 previews (practice services) and 1 wonderful, God-blessed launch Sunday under our belts!  Everyone tells you that church planting is HARD work and you try to prepare yourself for it, but until reality hits, you have no idea what you're in for!  We have put in weeks and weeks of 12-16 hour days along side some of the most fabulous team members ever.  This past Sunday made all of that hard work worth it.  We had approximately 175 people in attendance and over 20 people decide to commit their lives to Christ!  To say we've been excited this week is a huge understatement!  God's grace is truly abundant!

Along with "work" stuff (that always makes me laugh, church planting is our LIFE, not just our work) we have had some fun events at home too.  Our daughter turned two and is chattering up a storm!  How is it possible she's two already!?  During this busy season she has been both a breath of fresh air and our comic relief.  She unknowingly sacrifices so much, but she never ceases to amaze us with her flexibility and joy.  She is without a doubt our sweet treasure.

As far as this blog goes, don't be surprised if you see some more entries and along with some changes.  I'm not exactly sure what's going to happen, but it's going to be exciting! (Ha! I think that's the story of my life!)  Talk to you soon, invisible friends! :)

Making a choice

Today I woke up and made a deliberate choice to be content and thankful.  It was definitely a choice, not a feeling.  The day has progressed, however, and the choice is beginning to shift my feelings from anxiety to resolute peace.  Our God is good and He knows the future.  There is no good reason to fret and fear.

Remember the little house?  Well, the deal for that house is now on life support and has a high possibility of dying over the weekend.  Thankfully, it's not our fault.  The buyer's of our current home have had a last minute glitch (aka stupid battle with their finance co.).  This puts the deal for current home on hold, which puts the deal on the little house in jeopardy.  It's out of our control. 

I have fallen in love with that little house.  I was looking forward to living near neighbors that had been there for 37 years.  I had visions of walking with Elli to the park or library on crisp fall mornings.  The decor was all ready to go in my head.  *sigh* Now that may all be lost.

This is the point where I choose to trust.  If I have learned nothing in the past 10 years I have learned that God is sovereign and has a special reason for everything.  He knows the details of the future.  We do not.  He has perfect timing.  We do not.  We wants the very best for us.  We rarely know what the very best is.

So, we wait.  I'm praying for a miracle, of course, but either way I know we will end up in the perfect house in the community God has called us to reach.  I choose to believe that.  I choose to be content and thankful.  Our God is good and He knows the future.

Just writing...

So here I am, trying my darnedest to push aside my perfectionist disease tendencies and just write. 
Our lives have been interesting the last three weeks.  We have been in the middle of finalizing the sale of our house and the buying of another.  I was hoping I would be writing to you from the soon-to-be cozy confines of our new home.  Due to delays on our buyer's end I am instead writing from my same old kitchen and forcing myself to not look past the screen into the chaos of cardboard in my living room.
_____________________________________

I'm tired.  At first I thought it was because of the move and the emotional demands of managing moving, mothering and ministry.  Nope.  I'm tired in my soul.  My spirit is thirsty.  ME seems to be getting packed away into lost boxes.  I miss my Bible.  I miss my friends.  I feel missing.

Everything is changing and chaotic.  The reality of a 12 year chapter coming to an end is sneaking in.  Do I even know how to write new chapters anymore?  What is my life's thesis statement, again?  How do I wrangle these wandering thoughts?  Where is the foundational outline that was formed within the complexity of 8 painful years?  How did I allow the daily deluge to muffle the treasured story within?  How could I possibly write as a leader when I feel caught without a compass?

If I were to give myself the advice I'd give others I'd say  "You were made for this.  Fill your heart with truth, saturate your home with worship, read your Bible all you can.  Shut out the lies.  Apply grace."  I wish I listened to that person.  Things don't seem so simple today.

I don't write this for pity or advice.  I write this to be honest with myself.  I write to discover what I am keeping secret.  Don't worry.  I know my paths will be made straight.  I know my mind and heart will clear.  I know I will inhale the new life the Holy Spirit is whispering even now.  I know I will rest in the grip of grace.

I know will feel found again.

SuperMom

The past month or so I have felt like anything BUT a great mama.  We have gone from our typical intense summer schedule right into a non-stop September filled with meetings, moving and random work trips.  Normally, I try to keep Elli's schedule fairly routine and balanced, but lately that just hasn't been much of a reality.

 I'd like to be one of those mamas that never EVER turns the TV on to occupy their toddler.  I'd like to be one of those mamas that doesn't offer a snack as a quick defense against whining.  I'd like to never raise my voice or get impatient when Elli has ignores me for the twentieth time.  I'd like to be Michele Duggar minus 17 kids or so.  I'd like to be like Babywisers with neat little schedules that include four different types of play time and learning.  I'd like to offer Tot School and other educational activities.  I'd like to do crafts and projects and all the other messy fun things Elli is finally old enough to do. 

There is this thing called REALITY, however, that just doesn't allow us much time for all of that right now (or ever).  Instead we fill our days with free play and sneak in book time between packing and appointments.  The most teaching I've done in the last 3 weeks is showing her how to use the dust mop out of desperation to keep her OUT of the pantry (which has been a GREAT source of entertainment).  The only pre-birth ideals I've really been able to hold onto in this transitional season are #1 sleeping routines and #2 super food.

So, this morning I shoved aside the mama guilt and we cuddled in bed watching an hour of cartoons.  I then whipped up a batch of super wholesome stick-to-your-ribs-full-of-good-stuff super porridge.  I was amazed at how just knowing I fed Elli really well made me feel like a good mom.  Today I'm going to hold on to that feeling for as long as I can and ignore the guilt.

Super Porridge
This is easy peasy and great for adults too.  There are hundreds of different variations (if you have little ones I encourage you to check the book out at the library), but I'll just give you today's recipe.

Place in a food processor 1/3c of each (this doesn't have to be exact at all):
Millet
Brown Rice (I did 2 portions of rice)
Lentils
Pearl Barley
Process contents two or more minutes until a fine powder (if you'd like more texture don't process as long, but it will take longer to cook).  Store in airtight container in fridge and use as needed.  Cooking ratio 1/4c grains to 1 c water.

Boil 2 cups of water with a dash of salt.  Add 1/2c of processed mixture while whisking.  Reduce heat to simmer and cover.  Continue to simmer for 10 minutes (or until all grains are tender), whisking every few minutes to avoid sticking or lumps.  The consistency should be fairly thick similar to oatmeal or cream of wheat.

Eat as is or add in pureed or chopped fruit or veggies.  We had left over mashed yams from dinner so I put about a 1/4c of those into Elli's portion (vitamin A is vital as we approach sick season).  Store the remaining cereal in an airtight container and reheat in microwave as needed (add hot water if consistency is too thick).